Alzheimer's From Purpose to Passion

 I have just published a book about my personal journey with Alzheimer's disease.  I started writing in 1995, when my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, my favorite aunt had a brain tumor and died, and my mother in law had a stroke, all within a month.

It was one of the most difficult times in my life and I had dreams that my legs were cut off.  I began writing as therapy to help me through the rough times.  I wrote about 30 pages and then just put it all away.   This year my sister was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and the journey began anew, so I found my writings and decided to publish.

Alzheimer's disease is such a difficult disease to understand and manage.   Merely trying to understand what was happening was challenging and back in 1995 there was not as much known as there is today.    

In the book, I share my purpose, which was to find help for my mother and to understand all  the challenges we, as a family, were faced with.   That led to a twenty year career with the Alzheimer's Association which became my passion. 

The book is available on Amazon.  "Alzheimer's From Purpose to Passion" in both paperback & Ebook versions.  

I Can't Be Against

 Things appear to be in turmoil in our world today.  People seem to be divided by race, political party, liberalism or conservatism on and on and on.  I have found that it is difficult for me to listen to the news since each network has it's own views and considers the other channels or networks to be wrong.

If you believe in individual rights you are on one side and the other side wants more government taking care of us all. I think there are times that both are true.  There are definitely things that we depend upon our government to do for us such as national security.  Even so I don't want the government controlling or dictating my health care. So why do we spend so much time disagreeing?  Why can't we have some things right and others wrong and still be friends realizing that we mostly agree.  

I was speaking with a friend who seems to take what I think is a radical side on issues and talks about how terrible and how awful things are today and that we are doomed.  I told her that I don't think either side is totally true.  There are many positions that have fact base information and yet they are easily distorted based on the individual opinion of who is presenting the information.  

When I listen to these opinion/facts I know that I need to run them through my own personal filter to see if they ring true for me rather than take them as fact immediately.  I also believe that  my friends and family  do good things and I know from personal experience that most people are gentle, loving and kind.  My grandchildren and their friends are smart and respectful and I believe that they will care for me and the world we live in perhaps even better than we have.  

One time I attended a workshop and the speaker told us how important it is for us to take in information without making a decision whether we agree or disagree.  That point of view was quite freeing for me.  So today I am deciding and look at the things I can agree with or not but I refuse to be AGAINST.  IT DOESN'T SERVE ME WELL TO SPEND MY ENERGY BEING AGAINST ANYTHING.    I will not go along with everything so I may not be for everything but being against takes a lot more energy than I am will to expend.

Pre Funeral Party

 We went to a funeral for a friend today and it made me realize that It would be really nice to have a celebration before I die.  I told my son that I wanted to have a pre-funeral party or celebration and he said ok, shall we do it for your 80th birthday.  

I think that is a grand idea.  So next year when I turn 80 I want to invite all the people that have been important to me over the years.  We will invite all those who worked for me and were treasured by me during and after their time with me.  I will invite my friends who have meant so much and anyone who wants to celebrate. 

While I try to celebrate life every day I think this will be fun

   

Well It's Been A While

It's been a while since I have written in my Blog.  I suppose I just didn't feel inspired or didn't have anything worth sharing.  I am now 79 and will be 80 in a few months.  Life is very interesting for me and I am enjoying myself.  I think it is important to live every day to the best of my ability.  

Since recovering from West Nile Virus in 2014 I have become very healthy and feel younger in many ways.  I have a man in my life that was my high school sweetheart and we go dancing when he is in town and have a great time together.  I look forward to our time together and feel like a kid again in many ways.

My grandchildren are healthy and on  track for their lives all doing what brings them joy.  My daughter has a new job establishing a new Hospice and Home Health Company in El Paso and her husband has a successful commercial appraising company.  My son has expanded the roofing company that my husband started and has remarried.  He and his wife just bought a beautiful condo in Florida.  All is well.

I am extremely proud of my family and the role my husband and I played in helping our children and grandchildren become good strong individuals. It is so important for me to focus on what is right in my life rather than what is wrong.

I often think about the challenges we are facing in our country and it is important for me to focus on the things that I have power over rather than be a part of complaining about things I have no control over.  I believe that what we pay our attention to increases and expands in our lives.  Look at the good things and I will see more good around me.  Focus on the challenges and they seem to increase in my mind and can truly become overwhelming.  

A Beautiful Dream of Death

I had an incredible dream the other night.  

Many of my family members were gathered in this meadow on a mountain.  The grass was green and it was a beautiful day. The children were running and playing and there was a sense of gaiety all around.  I had such a profound sense of calm.  I saw myself take a couple of steps then soar above the group flying high above it all.  It was such a wonderful feeling of everything being right and perfect in that moment.  

My mother was there and she was in the process of dying so we were all celebrating her transition.  She turned to me and told me that it was time for her to go.  Someone had laid a pallet down on the ground so she laid down on it and I laid down beside her and snuggled with her.  I asked my younger sister if she would like to lay down with us and she said she would in a minute.  

At that moment mother made her transition and we were all there to celebrate with her.  It was such a joyous feeling that all was right and in perfect order.  

I awakened realizing that I had just experienced something wonderful in my dream state.  What a wonderful opportunity to see death in it's glory rather than with fear and misunderstanding. When I die I only hope that there ore others around to celebrate with me.  

Creating Fun In My Life

I am now 77 years old and have lived a good life.  It was filled with normal things, good bad and ugly.  However as I reflect back on my life I am grateful for it all.  I could have done without many of the challenges but if I hadn't gone through them I am not sure I would be who I am today and I really like myself today.  

I married and had two children and four grandchildren that continue to bless me each day. They all live near me so I have had the opportunity to be a part of their lives from birth to college.  I see many of my friends whose children live far away and I know that I have been blessed to be with my grandchildren on a day to day basis.  

I have attended pre-school plays and activities, ball games, swim meets, band concerts and all kind of things they were involved in.  I enjoyed them all as I cheered them on as if they were all Stars.  Looking back on their lives I am grateful that I got to be a regular part of their activities.  

I have searched for the meaning of life and attended classes that provided answers at the time.  Even though I was constantly changing each class I experienced led me closer to the real me.  That continues to change every day of my life.  I remember one time my son told me he just wished that I would decide what I believed so he would know what to believe.  I told him then that if I was still alive I would continue to change.  

My husband died a couple of years ago and I mourned his loss for sure but I soon realized that I didn't die with him and I still had a life to live. So now at this stage in my life I find that I am no longer searching for life's meaning but endeavoring to live the best I can based on all my experiences.  At this point my goal is to have fun and be happy.  This probably should have been my goal all my life but we tend to think we have to take life seriously. 

I am enjoying friends who are in my life and love dancing once again with an old friend.  I am pretty healthy for my age and feel fortunate to be able to do the things I enjoy.  I am truly creating FUN in my life and enjoying what the future has to offer.   

Pay Attention

 Have you ever noticed how animals exist?  They are constantly aware of their environment and get feedback from the things happening around them.  If not, they could be in danger and may not survive.  When I was studying Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) my teacher wrote on the board "PAY ATTENTION."  The universe is giving us messages all the time and helping us make decisions to move safely through the world.  The animals and insects have sensors or feelers that direct them.  We also have those feelers but in our busy world we tend to override them.

So many times in our lives we are going on automatic and we don't stop to see what is really happening around us.  Do we pay attention to our hunches or feelings and trust our instincts?  For me it takes practice.  The more I trust myself and pay attention to by feelings and instincts the more reliable they are.  I often stop myself when I get anxious and ask what is going on.  Am I sick?  Is there something or someone I need to check on?  Do I need to slow down and take a deep breath?  One day last week I awoke with a feeling of anxiety.  I told my husband and he said, "whatever it is we will deal with it."  What a reassuring statement that was for me.  Maybe all I needed was to have the reassurance that I was not alone and could handle anything that came up. 

When I look back at my life and realize all the things I have overcome to get to this point it gives me courage and confidence to go on.  Things that seemed insurmountable at the time, with hindsight were just another bump in the road.  One of the blessings of being older is that we can reflect on our lives and realize that we can and will overcome the challenges that confront us. 

So today I leave you with the thought of paying attention to the things around you.  Do you need to give someone or yourself a hug?  Do you want to trust yourself to try something new that has been on your mind?  Do we just want to have faith that tomorrow will bring sunshine?  PAY ATTENTION.....The world is here to give you clues.